My life appears to be a series of seemingly-fictitious, ridiculous events.

Every year for the last 7 years, I coordinate a reunion for a large group of people from my middle school class. In the past, it has always been an all-girls dinner, filled withs stories, laughs, and this-should-be-awkward-but-isnt-hugs. 2011, however, means that almost all us of are 21, so I thought for this year’s reunion, it could be fun to both include boys (gasp!) and go downtown. So, on Saturday night, a big group of us went to a few bars and caught up, had a few drinks, and danced. 6th street was especially busy because it was the annual Harley Davidson convention – which I didn’t realize when I planned the reunion.

After all the bars closed, we were standing out in the street rehashing the events of the night and saying our goodbyes. There were thousands of people around and I felt a pressure on my shoulder and then a release. I bet my phone just got stolen. Sure enough, I put my hand into my purse, which was a long, leather satchel, and my iphone was gone. I turned around to see the three guys that had been behind me power walking away. Stupidly, my friend and I sprinted after them and demanded for my phone back. Obviously, they denied having it. Aly called my phone while we were standing with them and the shortest of the three started to get really fidgety. Probably because my iphone was vibrating against his leg through his big, baggy pockets.

Since I clearly wasn’t going to get my phone back, we returned to the group and everyone went home. When I woke up the next morning, I was carless (I no longer have a car in Austin) and phoneless. My plan was to take a bus to Walmart and buy the cheapest phone I could find and then take it to ATT to get a sim card. I logged onto facebook chat to try to communicate with the world and saw that my friend Crystal (who was at the reunion) was online. She informed me that the person who stole my phone had been texting her asking for 300 dollars and nudie photos for its return. Wonderful. She felt terrible and called her parents to see if they had any advice. Apparently, they are the sweetest people alive, because they hopped in Β the car and came to pick me up from Courtney’s apartment. We drove to their home to pick up an old ATT phone they had and were willing to lend me for the week and make a plan. Crystal’s mom suggested we try to scare them into returning the phone. I figured that would never work because my iphone has been stolen before, and the old if you dont return it, the cops will arrest youΒ line didn’t work. Still, I had nothing to lose (hah) so I used Crystal’s father’s phone to text my phone. I wrote something like Hello, this is the owner of the phone you stole. Because you have used my phone, the police were able to locate it via GPS. I will not press charges if you return the phone to a restaurant or hotel by 2pm. Otherwise, expect the police and possible jail time for theft and sexual harassment. Β We waited a few minutes for a response, and when there was none, we got in the car and headed towards ATT. As a last ditch effort, I decided to call my phone.

Ring ring ring….


The guy answered! He sounded either asleep or out of his mind drugged up. Over the next 15 minutes, it became very apparent that it was the latter. I’m thinking heroine… I kept explaining over and over again that all he needed to do was leave my phone at a restaurant or hotel and then text or call me where he left it so I could pick it up. He just couldn’t understand, so he said “hang on, here’s Jeremy” and handed me off to another guy! Same process over again. I demanded that he leave my phone at the hotel or restaurant of his choice and he wouldn’t get in trouble. For a second, he got smart and was like ‘Why dont I just ditch it in the trash or somethin?” But I lied through my teeth said that if he did that I would have the police go to where the phone was last located, which was where he was. Literally 2o minutes later, he told me he was going to take it to Jack In The Box (this was before he had even done it… not wise). I asked Crystal’s father if he was down for an adventure and he responded by pulling out of the ATT parking lot. We drove 30 minutes to the northeast side of Austin. I used his iphone to find the only Jack in the Box on Rundberg and we went inside to see if the phone was there.

They had it.

They said a guy that looked homeless had come in and mistaken a customer for an employee and handed him the iphone. He apparently mumbled something about finding it in the parking lot. It seems to me that whoever stole my phone decided it was a piece of crap (because it is cracked beyond recognition) and either trashed it or gave it to a homeless guy. The person who stole it was definitely not drugged out – he was quick. Regardless, I think there was a 1 in 10,000,000 chance that I would get my phone back – and I did!

Hopefully I didn’t just bore you to tears. I accidently left my digital camera in California, so that is why I don’t have many pictures or recipes! I return on Saturday – so soon! I do, however, have a little meal idea to share:

Summer asparagus, sweet snap peas, mushrooms, and salmon sauteed in butter & rubbed in goat cheese

a perfect lunch

4 oz salmon, 3 asparagus spears, and a handful of mushrooms & snap peas. Melt butter in pan on medium heat. Add ingredients and let cook for 2-3 minutes. Flip salmon. Once opaque, remove everything from heat. Rub with 1 oz goat cheese. Enjoy! (with a side of oatmeal and avo?….)

31 thoughts on “My life appears to be a series of seemingly-fictitious, ridiculous events.

  1. Holy craaaaaaap. You know what, all of this actually sounds really, really fun… I assure you that if it were me, I’d be laughing hysterically the entire time.

    Sorry. Inappropriate? A little, maybe. πŸ˜€

  2. Oh my gosh, that story was actually really exciting. That didn’t bore me at all! I can’t believe you got it back. I would probably only touch it with gloves and sanitize it like it was my job.
    Btw I’m new around your blog and so far I love it πŸ™‚

  3. Thank god you got the phone back!!
    I got my phone stolen before (well, it’s me who lost it, but anyways); I really don’t understand why people still other people’s phones! Do they sell it or smth?

    The recipe looks great, btw, but…with oatmeal? hmm… lol!!

  4. Damnnn. Glad everything worked out!
    Yay for being done with the quarter!
    What’re you up to this summer m’dear? Have you gone back home?
    Ah, I can’t wait to go back and grill some salmon during the summer!

  5. WOW this sounds like a movie, Lauren! But man, you are one tough chick – way to handle a bunch of cellphone-stealing punks! And glad you got your phone back =) (Great story, btw πŸ˜‰ )

    As always, the food looks delicious. Salmon + asparagus is a foolproof combo!

  6. wowza- i can’t believe all that happened to you, and WAY TO GO for doing all that to get it back.

    and sidenote: asparagus rocks my socks. SO yummy!

  7. oh my god! That is the CRAZIEST story ever..I can’t believe you got your phone back! That’s awesome! When my purse got stolen a couple months ago, we tried to communicate with the guy through my phone that he had but we didn’t get anywhere. He randomly called my family members but when they answered, it would be silent (I think he was butt dialing?) either was a real bummer so I’m glad that you ACTUALLY got yours back!

  8. Oh my god, that’s HILARIOUS!!! Sketch people on 6th street definitely freak me out, even more so now haha. Have you ever used the iPhone locator thing? ( Not sure if it would have helped in this situation, because I sure as hell wouldn’t be driving to a heroine den to get my phone… but it probably would have scared the sh*t out of them if you were like “yeah, we have your address…”

  9. this story is insane, Lauren!! You seriously cannot make stuff like this up – wow. Good for you, tracking him down! Maybe he was strung out when he stole your phone and needed some fast cash – you never know. Either way, you should probably keep the idea of becoming a detective on the back burner πŸ™‚

    And that meal? Totally up my ally, and perfect for a phone reunion celebration. Salmon + goat cheese + asparagus = one of my favorite go-to combinations.

    ps. expect an email from me tonight or tomorrow AM!

  10. Whoa, that’s insane! So awesome that you got it back though. What are the odds?! And kind of fun that you got an awesome story out of the whole incident too, to put some positive spin on it haha. I don’t know what the heck I would have done in a situation like that. I definitely would have tried to my darndest to get it back though. To be honest, I probably would have done something stupid like tackle the first set of guys that clearly took it. That would have solved it no problem I bet, they’d have been cowering and begging to give it back to my mighty 5’4″ frame…or I’d just end up bruised and unconscious. I think you went about it the smartest way πŸ˜‰

  11. You poor girl! I’m so sorry we didn’t get to see each other this week. I’ve been so busy catching up from my vacation…it will happen though…I know you will be back! This story was HILARIOUS. I mean, it was actually quite sad, but I’m so glad you got your phone back, and I can’t believe people can be so dense. Thanks for sharing, sweet heart. You are a joy!

  12. kidding this is matthew
    kidding it is james
    kidding its ali and i mean for real dont u feel me
    kidding its tom and i mean for real really for real
    kidding its joe dont u feel me
    kidding it is david
    kidding im lauren

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